…cultural sn:afu.

Die Mannequin: Canadian

“Autumn Cannibalist”; ‘How To Kill’ [Digital EP] (2006)

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Canadians Think Sporting Events Are So Nice…

…we like to watch them twice. And three times. And maybe four. In a row. Then sixteen times from every conceivable angle. Okay nineteen is too much. Slowed down. In reverse. Frame by single frame. Oh wait, that “Helmet Cam” replay was pretty cool. Did you see that guy get plowed through the boards? Wait for it… there it is again. The absolute worst hockey injury I’ve ever seen was in Game Seven of the 1993 Patrick-Divison Playoffs when Pittsburgh Penguins forward, Kevin Stevens, impaled his face on another dude’s visor. Then — obviously unconscious — he kind of backs up a little, then he falls to the ice flat on his face. He broke his entire face. To fix him they had to cut ear-to-ear under his chin, peel his face back to this eyes and knit all of the bones back together using duct tape and steel plates. He broke his face and they had to peel it off. Fucking hockey, man. Since this happened before YouTube there’s no evidence of this immediately at hand. Unfortunately it also happened before the TLC Surgery Channel was around so there’s no video evidence of the repair job either. But when it happened, the hit at least, it was replayed and replayed and replayed. During the game, during the post-game wrapup, on the evening newscasts, then during the next days morning shows and again during the supper hour newscasts. A little more recently there was the NASCAR pile up at the end of February’s 2007 Daytona 500, when Kevin Harvick just barely edged out Mark Martin… and the 07 Jack Daniel’s car of Clint Bowyer crossed the finish line upside down and on fire. What? Yeah, upside down, on fire and moving faster than you do on the freeway. I’ll bet you want to see that again, and really close up and from aboot twenty different angles. You sick fucking bastard. Well here it is, thanks to George Retzlaff. George invented Instant Replay back in 1955 while working for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation’s (CBC) “Hockey Night In Canada” (HNIC). George used a new “hot processor” technique to develop a kinescope (film) recording of a goal which was then rebroadcast within thirty seconds for “instant” replay. Every sport played on this earth today — except maybe the “Afghanistan Professional Buzkashi League” — uses George’s Instant Replay in some form.

George was born in Kiel, Germany and moved to Saskatchewan when he was six. In 1953, at the tender age of 30 — and just a few months after CBC started broadcasting – he became head of CBC Sports and producer of HNIC. He produced and directed HNIC for aboot 20 years and devised many of the techniques and camera angles still used in most televised sporting events around the world today. In 1973, George became the original recipient of hockey’s Foster Hewitt Award for excellence in sports broadcasting. He retired from the CBC in 1984. George died August 5, 2003, survived by seven children from his two marriages, 20 grandchildren and four great grandchildren.

YouTube And NASCAR Don’t Exist Without George, So…

George Retzlaff & Instant Replay: Canadian

“2007 Daytona 500″; ‘Kevin Harvick, Mark Martin & Clint Bowyer’ (2007)

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If you find a broken link, or the YouTube stuff isn’t loading
properly, let me know and I’ll find an alternative…
I’m Canadian, it’s what we do. Off the ice.

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